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The Big Chill

I ponied up and lugged my air conditioning unit from the backseat of my car into my bedroom today. I finally snagged it last night from one of my bartending co-workers, who was storing it in his own backseat after I purchased it from my manager for 20 bucks nearly two weeks ago. Yes, it took this long. The unit was certainly a beast, having bit up my shins with tiny scratches and cuts. I installed it though, and it's finally cooling my little one bedroom nicely, and nicely enough, I have the satisfaction of installing it alone.

The whole process did remind me of a situation I encountered last summer, with a guy I was semi-interested in at the time. I am talking in terms of "semi" here because he was a self-interested bloake who could never get past the "semi-reality" of my existence, for whatever it was. I, of course, being the kind of gal who occasionally enjoys being treated like crap (ladies, you're out there, you know who you are)endured it and thrived on it like some deluded jr. high high. I was simply channeling energy. Anyway, I had a much larger unit last summer, and was forced to dispose of that one due to six inches of pigeon poop crusted over the top. At the time I wanted to install the unit last summer, there was no way I could carry it alone. It was that durable.

One afternoon, I simply enlisted his help installing my air conditioning unit.

Without hesitation, he asked, "Why, is it a physical thing?" meaning of course, "are you asking me because you can't phsyically do it?" There was no "yes" or "no" involved; it was simply a matter of him questioning why I would ask him such a favor. He never extended a hand.

Then, there was me. Smiling as usual. Jesus. Underneath I was screaming "Hell yes, jackass! Why else would I ask you to help me?" Right there, I should have known that a man who questions a girl-of-the-moment's request to help her install a 40-pound air conditioning unit is self-centered asshole. No questions asked. But I fed off of it for that second, and maybe even for those months when I didn't care how anyone treated me. Instead, I enlisted the help of two other friends to do it, who happily obliged. But this year, I opted for a different route. I installed my air conditioning unit alone and I didn't carry that sense of anger and frustration that I did last summer. There was excess, confusion and a murkier prospect for that fall and winter that lay ahead. There were problems constantly surfacing.

This evening I'm alone, listening to the air conditioning unit whirring in my room. It may not be as larger-than-life than last year's model, but its slow, constant buzz sounds quite fine and clear, much like the forthcoming cool seasons that lay ahead. I'll keep my jacket ready.